Nothing much is going on. I don't want to use this blog as a vent source, so I wont vent here about my issues. They only thing going on right now is reminiscing of the past. Thinking about the what ifs. If I had did this, or if I would have taken that route. I keep thinking about the, if I would have chosen him! I cant go back, all I can do is look forward. Try to make changes in my life that will be for the better. Knowing that things may have been better, if I did choose him, I try to do things now that will put me in the place I know I would be in if I were with him. Such as financial choices, educational choices, things like that.
Not to say everything I do is based on him, from the past but choices I know that he would want to see me achieve. The current person is nothing like the one I let get away but he has his own qualities. Some qualities are good, very good.....but I still cant help but wonder about the other qualities I want also. The other qualities that truly match more of me then just the mother and caregiver side.
I'm hoping I stop thinking as much as I do or time will continue to pass. I have a plan. Either be part of the plan or become the plan.