Thursday, October 20, 2011

It's Not Jealousy!

Although we all make decisions, we don’t know what the final and complete outcome will be in the end. We tend to make most decisions based on the Right Now. It was my decision to walk away.

It’s Not Jealousy, its Anger… After all of the pain, the arguing, the late night returns, the not coming home, the cheating, the lying, the games, the not working, the divorce, I decided to walk away. I wanted more for you but couldn't get it out of you.

It’s Not Jealousy, its hurt… After all the years, the history, the children, the marriage, the good times, the holidays, the rekindling, now you decide to try and become a productive member to society. But it won’t be me to see this advancement.

It’s Not Jealousy, its common sense… After taking the weight and putting it on my shoulders for so long, you should want to help assist with maintaining the dwelling of where your seeds are. It shouldn’t take an outsider to say, you should do this or that. You should be willing or wanting to help on your own.

It’s Not Jealousy, it’s God’s Master Plan… I may have been angry… I may have been hurt… But maybe God needed me to walk away because He knew you could be a better Man. Maybe, I hindered you from being the better man because of the strong woman I am. Maybe I helped prepare you for the woman you are supposed to be better for.

It’s Not Jealousy, its confidence… You say you have moved on to better things… I would say you are right because your past was good and you have now found better but you’ve already had the Best (me)!... But I decided to walk away because Greatness is now before me!

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Signs

Sometime we question ourselves or doubt our decisions. Sometime we have to stop and look at the signs that are in front of us, or the signs that are given to us. At times we may not want to see them, hear them, acknowledge them or even accept them. If you really want to know, take yourself out of the equation. Think as if the issue or signs were for another person. Would you tell that other person to make that decision? Sometimes it can be hard to take your own advice.

Instance one: A friend wanted to know if I thought the person she was dating, was really into her or if I thought he cared about her the same way she care about him. Now this can go for a man or a woman. That person will show you how much they are into you by a number of things. That person goes out more with their girls, or with their guys more then you get to see them... you all are probably just kickin' it.

You notice when you tell that other person how you feel and they don't reciprocate the feeling is mutual, that is a sign that this relationship isn't going much further. Prepare to only date or just see that person casually, because you will start to invest feelings that will not give you a return on your investment.

Instance two: A friend started seeing someone that was in the process of going through a separation. The stories all seemed so real and vivid. As the conversations grew, the build up to intimacy was sparked. Once the impact of intimacy happened, the conversations grew shorter and fewer. My friend wondered, if this happened because of the intimacy. I'm thinking, that separation has probably happened more then once and it will probably continue to happen. If there is no paper, without the judges seal on it, its a sign... don't do it.

Instance three: A friend of mine, runs into an old flame. They spark up conversation and reminisce. During the conversation, the mention of the past tryst they shared came up. Of coarse that topic was gently touched on as to possibly happen again, along with other things. Later in the conversation, the mention of being to busy to settle down came up also. I said, I hope you seen the sign in front of you! First, you know this will lead to one thing and one thing only... SEX. You might have a nice time and go out, but the main thing is, its gonna go down! The second thing is, all you will have is a good time and nothing more. In your first conversation, the mention of being to busy to be settled down with a person you can love or care about, is a hint.

If you see the signs up front and you are willing to play by that game, then its all good. As long as you pay attention to the signs. As adults, we have the choice to be busy, not want to settle down and have casual relationships. As long as you go in with your eyes wide open, then no one gets hurt. Don't sugar coat the signs, the signs are there to tell you something ( Stop, Winding road, Slippery When Wet, LOL), to help you make judgement calls. But if you ignore the signs, you might crash.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


This is a late entry and I should be asleep but I was thinking of this. In every dark situation, there is always a little light. I am that little light that was in a dark place. No matter my circumstances, I was always determined to push through and go forward. Looking back now, I even realized that at an early age.
Think back to being a child, like in Eighth grade. It could have been a fun time for many. For me, it was the best that I made it. Imagine not having name brand clothes or shoes. That was nothing to me, I was happy to just have any clothes or shoes. A parent with no car or even a job. Imaging having only one parent that had an illness that they preferred. Imagine getting ready for you Eighth grade graduation, with no parent there to help you. Not to comb your hair, not to pick out that special outfit, not to congratulate you or even knock the wrinkles out of your graduation gown. Not because your parent isn't alive but because their illness keeps them in places they prefer instead of where the should or need to be.
Imagine that child being me. Imagine me, waking up that special morning, with the sun shining bright and being able to hear the birds chirping. Thinking, what a wonderful morning as I commence on a new and memorable journey in life. As I got out of bed to begin this important journey, I searched the house for my parent. My parent was no where in sight. Not because of death but because of an illness that destroys families. The outfit didn't matter to me, nor did the hair or the shoes. What did matter to me was the fact that my parent wasn't there to help me prepare to put on my graduation robe.
I slowly grabbed my rode and began to lightly iron the robe, making sure I didn't apply to much heat to burn the material. I began to cry because I had to do it all by myself. No one to excite me, congratulate me or say how proud they were of me. After the last tear fell from my small face, I gathered my thoughts. I was the one that did the hard work to get here and I would be the one to make sure I got to where I needed to be.
At that time in life, I thought the place I needed to be was the school building practicing on marching in the auditorium. I realized later in life that I would make sure I would get to any place that I am destined to be. I was determined, even as a child, to not let anything or anyone hold me back to completing success. You don't have to let your obstacles control you, but you get around and through those obstacles if you stay focus and determined. You must not give up.... ever!