A Settled Plan

At times in life, we find ourselves settling with certain things. This particular thing I will speak on is relationships. You get use to the person your are with until you find it harder to walk away. Security makes it harder to walk away, loneliness makes it harder to walk away and comfort makes it harder to walk away.

You get used to your surroundings and you might want to keep it that way. Your used to the mortgage or rent being paid, the lights, gas or whatever expense you don't have to worry about. Do you really want to have to cover the expenses you don't want to, or what you're not use to paying? Maybe you want to continue shopping with that part of the money for yourself.

You get used to that other body sleeping or laying next to you. You don't want to have that spot be empty. You might feel that you cant sleep comfortably thru the night. The time that you have nothing to do, you always have that person there. To watch movies, to go to the theatre, go out to eat, or to do whatever.

You know that person knows all your flaws. Every single last one of them. You are comfortable with that person seeing you as you really are. Your stomach might not be as perfect as you would like it to be. Your legs might not be as toned, you biceps or triceps might not be as big as you like. No matter what it is, you are comfortable with only that person looking at you completely, and feeling comfortable.

If you truly want to be happy you cant settle. I know it may seem scary to leave all those commodities but if you want real happiness, you might have to. Take the time to get to know you. Stop splurging on the finances, save some money so you can prepare to handle your bills on your own. On those lonely days,call a friend or a best friend. Try to keep busy with anything. Reading, biking, walking, take up a new hobby but don't over load on to one friend. You don't want to drive them crazy.

Sometimes when we settle, we begin to lose our self. Like, you settled so much that at times you cant tell when you're lying (not being truthful with yourself) or if you really don't like something. You've settled for so long, you cant really tell. But one of the biggest reason we settle is because of our children. Don't settle for that reason either. Children can fell and pick up on tension, uneasiness and sorrow. Even little children can pick up on it. Communicate with the children, let them know how you feel. Be honest with them and create a dialogue. You might be surprised to hear them say, they want to see you happy. Make a plan to be happy and stop settling.

Choices

Nothing much is going on. I don't want to use this blog as a vent source, so I wont vent here about my issues. They only thing going on right now is reminiscing of the past. Thinking about the what ifs. If I had did this, or if I would have taken that route. I keep thinking about the, if I would have chosen him! I cant go back, all I can do is look forward. Try to make changes in my life that will be for the better. Knowing that things may have been better, if I did choose him, I try to do things now that will put me in the place I know I would be in if I were with him. Such as financial choices, educational choices, things like that.
Not to say everything I do is based on him, from the past but choices I know that he would want to see me achieve. The current person is nothing like the one I let get away but he has his own qualities. Some qualities are good, very good.....but I still cant help but wonder about the other qualities I want also. The other qualities that truly match more of me then just the mother and caregiver side.
I'm hoping I stop thinking as much as I do or time will continue to pass. I have a plan. Either be part of the plan or become the plan.

The Casual Side

This post will be a little different. I was asked by a young lady, what was my opinion regarding a young man she is dating. She asked him about their relationship. Where do they stand. She said he never answers that question. He usually changes the subject or mentions, other things. She only wants an answer because she doesnt want to hurt him. I told her, he doesnt want to answer the question because he's scared she going to ask for something more and he really doesnt want it to be anything more then what it is, casual. Now, she doesnt want a committed relationship from him because she just doesnt want to take that route at this time in life.
I asked her if he tries to take control of situations or is he demanding, she said yes to both, but once they meet up, he can be so sweet. If he feels he can control the situation, he'll feel as if he can control the emotions in the casual relationship. But, if he only took the time to listen, he would also know she is on the same page as him... Keeping it casual.
He will continue to evade the question because the control and the demands make him feel real manly, and he doesnt want to be feel committed or tied down. For some women, we need to here that things are still casual because it can help us with a mental reality check. But if you asking a guy a question about you alls relationship and he doesnt answer, thats as good as getting the answer. He aint ready so dont force it. Keep it casual or start to moving on.
In this case, the young lady just wants to confirm they are still casual because she just doesnt want to hurt him because she doesnt want anything more then what it is. He would know that if he just listened. Some guys get so caught up into there own ego's that, he probably thinking, "Im not answering that question cuz I know she wants me more"... Thats not the case all the time brotha. Maybe she just want to make sure your feelings havent changed and you are still on the same page as her, the casual side.

Enough Rope

I was faced with the question today, when is enough, enough? I say it depends. If you are a strong person, mentally and emotionally, enough for me would be after my plan is complete. If your mate is doing things that make you say Hmmm, dont go off to much. Go off enough so your mate knows its bothering you but start a plan. Get all your stuff in order, school, work, finances, what ever is out of order for YOU, get it in order. Sooner or later, that mate will mess up again. Im not saying if your mate messes up once or twice, its all down hill. Im saying, if your mate is messing up all the time and you're ready to say enough is enough! This pertains to you. Make it a point to let your mate know, Hey, you did this (again) and its bothering me. Tell him or her to remember that. You give that person enough rope and they'll hang themselves. When you have all your things in order and enough is now enough, cut that rope.

1st time

Im completely new to blogging. I have never blogged before. Im full of information that can help people, be it big or small issues. I have been told time and time again, that the advice or suggestions I give should be written in a book. But I wouldnt know where to start with all the lessons Ive learned to pass on to others for advised or to help them. The only thing I could think of doing, was to start a blog and let it go from there. Lets see how well or far this goes.